The Squeaky Step

Out of 16 stairs it was number 12 that always, without fail, squeaked like a dying chicken the second you as much touched it.  It was like that the day my parents built the house when I was just 5 years old, unfortunately it was still like that years later as a teenager when I had stayed out a little too late and was trying to get into my bedroom as quietly as humanly possible.  With only 4 measly steps to success it never seemed to fail, no matter what I did that darn twelfth step did me in every single time.  I tried to skip over it for a time, but I've never been a graceful person and taking steps 2 at a time for a klutz like me is never a good idea.  The ker-plonk on the squeaky stair and the one above and below it was somehow louder than the actual squeaky stair.  

This never worked well for me.

You have to understand, I was never a really bad kid.  I never partied, drank, smoke, or even cussed.  I remember saying that one word that starts with d and describes a small body of water to my mother once in an argument and wanting to just melt into the carpet.  The look of terror on my face was completely self-induced as my mother did not say a word to me, I was horrified enough for the both of us that it has slipped out from somewhere.  

I did however like to hang out with my friends a lot.  We would go out to eat, to the movies, to youth group events, to each other's houses and before I knew it it was slightly beyond curfew and hey-if you're already late...what's the point of leaving right then anyways right?  I would justify it a lot when I compared myself to other kids I went to school with that did things I would never even consider.  My parents should be grateful being a little late was about as big as it got with me! 

I feel dumb even typing that.  But my 17 year old self was convinced this was truth.  Period.  

Looking back today I realize those were my parents rules, and obeying all of them except that one was still disobedience.  Then I realize that's true in my walk with God, if I follow Him in 99/100 areas but a certain area I just do my own thing that's still disobedience.  I can try to justify it by simply pointing at the 99 things I am obeying Him on, but that doesn't change that area I've kept for myself.  

I make a bad god.  I mess it up.  I think I know best, and I keep it to myself to decide, and it leads me to brokenness and realization that this world is utter hopelessness without Him.  

After all, we're never father away from God than when we are close to Him and say no.

So I look to Him to direct all my paths (Proverbs 3:6), and I surrender all to Him-not holding anything back, and  I pray for a "squeaky step" in my own mind that would alert me when I'm starting to stray from His plan and on to my own.

Side note-the 12th stair is still squeaky to this day. 

Linking up with:  The Life of Faith, Mom's the Word, A Proverbs 31 Wife, Inspire Me Monday, TItus 2 Tuesday