If I were honest, if it were up to me I wouldn't write these words, and if I did I certainly wouldn't hit "publish". I'm sure we all go through these ruts, but do we really want to admit them and talk about them? But I suppose I'm nothing if not real. Human. Messy.
Lately things have been out of balance in my life. Unfortunately sometimes it takes the results of the imbalance to realize anything has been going wrong. That's where I ended up this weekend, when I eventually found myself sobbing in a hot bath realizing it all.
Lately...
...I've been thinking much more about a new DIY wall piece then I have the callings God has placed upon my life.
...I've been planning more and surrendering less.
...I've been thinking more about what I want than what God is leading me to.
...I've been thinking of what's best for me instead of the biggest blessing for someone else.
...I've been exchanging my personal time with God for a head start on my to-do list for the day.
...I've been putting off working on my scripture memory for another day.
Maybe we can all bide our time running like this for a little while, but eventually doesn't the junk always hit the fan? Yesterday was that day for me. I realized I was snapping at the ones I love most, and truth be told I had been for days. I was being downright ugly. I wasn't trusting God or having faith, just doing a lot of worrying. I was feeling lost and hopeless. It was easy to see why.
I've spent the rest of the weekend doing a lot of praying, repenting, surrendering, and trying to follow where He is leading me next to re-focus on Him.
So this week I'm going for more of Him and less of me. Way way less of me. Handing all my minutes over to Him knowing that on my own I'm just going to mess this up.
Keep me accountable? I'll be trying to post some updates on my Twitter here of my progress this week. Also, have any tips for getting back on track and re-focused? I'd love to here them! While it's hard to fall in front of community, the beauty of the fall are the hands around you to help pick you back up.
Hello Monday. Let's start over.
Linking up with: Mom's the Word
Self-evaluation is really important, especially when I find myself getting stuck on the negative!
ReplyDeleteI think it's amazing how when this happens I don't feel like reading scriptures. I just about never feel like it when I feel that way. The amazing part is how when I make myself read anyway, how much better I feel. You would think I wouldn't avoid it by how much it improves my outlook on life!
Happy Monday and new week.
Julie-I know what you mean! Usually I look forward to that time with just me and God in His Word, but when I'm veering away from it it makes it so much harder to get back into it. I hate that! Healing is right there, why do I avoid it?!
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