I'm an obsessive google-er.
Combine that with my worry-er nature and we've got a disaster. I know.
I've diagnosed myself with more than one disease a time or two thanks to WebMD.
In other, but related news, the Mr and I are in a bit of a housing dilemma. We love where we are but feel like it isn't right for us right now. To make a long story short way too much of our monthly budget is being zapped by housing. We don't need all this space so we feel like we aren't being good stewards of God's money at this point. But we are struggling greatly to find someplace else to move to. It has been a frustrating place to be nonetheless and a few days ago I found myself crying out to God, begging Him to show us what to do. And then all that changed on the way home from church Sunday.
We've been talking and stressing and constantly looking for awhile now, because of the weekend that it was (you can read more about that here in case you missed it) we made each other a promise-no house talk this weekend. We both needed a break. So imagine our surprise when something was very much handed to us today that was completely out of the blue and completely perfect for our needs. I cried all the way home with tears of gratitude. But just as soon as we thought we may have figured it out, we lost it. Hours after those tears of gratitude I was sobbing tears of frustration. Really? Again?
It left me feeling stunned and lost, wondering...now what God?
So then I hopped on my laptop and found my way to my home away from home...Google. I started quickly typing in various area realtors/MLS listings/financial "stuff". And you know where that left me? Right back where I started. Google. With a blank search bar blinking back at me as if to say...you're out of ideas now aren't you?
And I was.
And I think that's exactly where God has purposely put me. No options as far as my eye can see. No more "search ideas" to run on Google. Just a whole lot of questions, and if I'm honest, an embarrassing lack of faith. I know better ya'll. I know better. He has been faithful constantly. He has given me nothing but reason after reason to trust Him with everything-including this.
My circumstances have not changed tonight, the frustration and feeling of defeat is still fresh on me and my tears have hardly dried. But I will offer up my faith, though it be the size of a mustard seed, and put away Google and all my other efforts to "figure out" everything.
Linking up with: The Modest Mom, Sara, Kendra, Nan, Kathy, Hope in Every Season