Monday, December 9, 2013

The struggle

Disclaimer: This post brought to you by many tears (ugly cry face).
Let's talk "pet sins".
If you're like me at all, as soon as you read that phrase a particular struggle with sin popped in your mind instantly. You know that area, that sometimes you justify by saying to yourself "it's not that bad", and then sometimes you get real with yourself and just want it gone but feel powerless to do anything about. That's where I've been the past couple weeks. I've been chased down by some past sins, in the form of worries and anxieties. You know the kind you know you've been delivered from and then on a bad day you're sitting there wrestling with those thoughts again and thinking-woah where did that come from?

Well, that's where I've been the past few weeks.

Hope has felt rare and distant, though I know in my soul it wasn't. Peace felt hard to find, though I believe He never left me.

There are quite a few things I could blame for this rough spot I've found myself in, but I'm less interested in focusing on that than on how to get out of it. However, I know-and desire-for God to do what He's purposed to do in this trial. I've walked with Him too long to think for a second that He has allowed this trial for nothing. And the favor He has showed on me-oh the grace. Just a few nights ago I was weeping saying between sobs-I just really need a break. Which was true-I've been over-worked (self-imposed as it was), over-stressed, and over-done for a while now. With no possible time for a break for weeks, I just sobbed myself to sleep that night and prayed for a way, or at least some extra peace. 24 hours later, enters a major snow storm where not only am I given a break-I am stuck at home and forced a break. Because out of nowhere and no way for a "pause", He goes and makes a way.
I'm making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:19)

It's given me some extra time to think, to pray in the dark with only the glow of the Christmas tree. Here's what He's speaking over me, I pray it meets you in your need as well...

Satan loves for fear and anxiety to enter our lives for many reasons. He knows it is a guarantee way to take our eyes off of living for God and on to surviving for ourselves. When I'm struggling in this area my mind is primarily on ME. What's difficult, how I'm going to get through this or that "hard thing", or even worse-how I am going to get out of that hard thing!
Here enters a worse fear than the rest: I'm risking completely missing my calling, my purpose, and what God has planned for me to do.

So I'm handling this season of life with much prayer, and caution-that I wouldn't lose all God has for me to do.

Oh-and Happy December friends, and as always, thanks for letting me be real with you.

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