Lately..

How is it possibly August already?  
Wasn't January like, last week??  And Summer couldn't possibly have begun any earlier than last Tuesday right?

Life has felt like such a mixed bag lately, full of extremes in the most polar opposite of directions.  The hardest of times, the most joyful of times.  I suppose that's life.  

We've been through mind numbing blows where the only thing that got me through the night was imagining crawling up into the lap of my Heavenly Father like a small child, scared and sobbing, praying He would just hold me for the night.
He did.

We've been through a health issue we didn't see coming, and on the very day of receiving the news we also got shaken to the core by another blow we never saw coming.  All in a matter of a couple of hours.  I still look back on that one single day this Summer wondering how we woke up alive the next day.  I somehow made my way to a dr's office and sat in the parking lot sobbing until I couldn't breathe trying to remind myself to turn off the tears for the next hour and practically at the top of my lungs telling God out loud in the front seat of that car...if You don't come through for me right now I'm going down right here!
He did.

I was reminded in the most powerful of way's that I married the greatest man ever.  I can't put into words accurately the depth that I have fallen in love with him all over again over the past few months.  Not all days were good for us though this Summer and we actually had some really, really rough ones between us.  I wondered how God would bring us through it whole and in one piece and still...you know...kinda like each other.
He did.

Speaking of hard marriage days, there was that one weekend that we just seemed to be...sinking...for lack of better words.  Hectic schedules had pulled us in opposite directions for far too long, we had come back together exhausted and just plain ugly to each other.  Monday morning I woke up while the house was still quiet and dark and left my sleeping husband in bed.  I poured the coffee and sat at the kitchen table in front of an open Bible, but instead found myself just staring at the wall in front of me, my mind a million miles away.  All of a sudden I started sobbing, and I told God in the quiet darkness of our little home-God I don't just want a marriage with that man in that bed...I want a good marriage, a Godly marriage full of You...but today I'll be honest I don't see that coming together right now and I'm so broken so I'm giving You the pieces and asking You to do something-anything with it.
He did.

We got some answers to some questions we have sought after for years, and ultimately ended in the realization that we would surrender these things to God and if He ever chose to answer them while we were alive on this earth He would in His perfect timing.  I never dreamed that would be this Summer.
He did.

There was that one week the Mr. had gone to youth camp and left me at home.  Ya'll I struggled.  After the depths we had been to we had just gotten to such a good place and the last thing I wanted was to have him leave again.  The enemy was playing on both of us more than I could put into one post, but lets just say it was one week I was ready to put behind me.  Knowing that this is what he was called to do, I gave the week to Jesus and asked Him for extra, extra, extra grace and to come through for me in a big way.
He did.

The week after the Mr's return we were so excited for a week or two we had expected to be fairly slow and relaxing before going back to the busy-ness our schedules were about to throw at us.  The first day of that "slow week" the Mr. received a phone call before our feet even hit the ground with a very new ministry opportunity.  It threw both of us for a loop and I spent the rest of the morning looking for where my "slow and relaxing week" had gone to.  Joke's on me because the very next day I received a very similar phone call with a very exciting, yet very unexpected opportunity of my own.  That week didn't turn out at all like I had expected and I had no idea what was just around the corner for our little family.
He did.

Have I ever mentioned one of the things that blows me away about my sweet husband is his unwavering support for me.  I'm serious ya'll-if I went to him tomorrow and said...hey hon, I'm thinking of walking to Mars tomorrow...he would say nothing but-babe you'll be the best at that you know that? So I should have known better when I half-mindedly spoke of a dream and a desire that I felt God was placing in me and a direction I felt He was leading me to someday.  Read that again:  someday.  Not now-I had a million reasons it was the wrong time.  The Mr. was quick but gentle to point out that all those reasons were really reasons that I just wasn't trusting God enough to dream big..really big.  Ouch.  But so true.  Exactly what I needed to hear.  So with his blessing, encouragement to dream big and trust big, and his strong urge to follow God no matter what, I took a big leap. I never saw that coming this Summer either.  
He did.  

Through it all...there was one reoccurring theme throughout the Summer.  God's faithfulness.  Every high and every low, every moment that left me with my jaw dragging the ground, every second I didn't think I could take one more second, every minute I couldn't praise Him enough for the joy He had filled me with-He was there.  

I'm a planner.  A routine girl at best.  I like to know what's coming next in the worst possible way, and I tend to freak out when I don't have that.  I really hate that about me and feel it's ugly sin that I need to be in control and know what's next because I just don't have the faith that I should.  But this Summer I'm glad I didn't know what was coming.  All I knew was who would bring it, the Giver of Days-who is faithful above all.  When I look back at this Summer I won't always remember all the small moments that happened, or even some of the big ones.  But I will remember it was one tale, after tale, after tale, of God's never ending, never failing faithfulness.

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God  who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations.  Deuteronomy 7:9