Thursday, October 24, 2013

the struggles under the rock

I had plans of a fun post today, of a look around our Fall decorated home with a fun diy I was so excited to share with you all. But God just took this in a whole different direction, and as I heard someone simply put it today...things just go better when I do things the way He's asked me to. So the "fun diy" post will still be coming in the next few days, but for today, here's my heart friends...

I had one of "those" nights last night. Nothing huge-just seemed to be litterally bombarded by things tempting me to worry. I was doing everything I could to stand firm against them. But as I drove home through the dark streets last night, I saw something shiny in the road, and I tried to straddle it, but I heard that I had definitely hit it. I started thinking of the potential demise of my tire, and how our finances couldn't handle it right now (let alone the fact they are brand new stinking tires, barely a month old)-and that's how I got bombarded by Reason #29480 to become overwhelmed and lose myself in a sea of worry. I still tried to fight it. I told myself it was probably just a pop can, forget about it.

Literally, minutes later, a yellow flashing light pops on my dashboard.

"Low Tire Pressure".

My bottom lip began to quiver as I turned slowly into our neighborhood (yes, gratefully I was seconds away from home).

As I got out of the car holding my breath, I heard the hissing air out of my right front tire.

The floodgates broke ya'll.

I just stood in the driveway sobbing like a crazy lady. (Sorry neighbors.)

I tried to rationalize it you know...remind myself it's just a flat tire, and it happened so close to home-what a blessing! But deep down I knew the flat tire was just facade that was masking a whole box of problems that had been kind of thrown at me. The day had been one temptation after another to worry- my sister is struggling in a lot of areas in life and my heart is broken for her knowing I can't fix it all, my mother had just hung up the phone with me asking me to pray for my dad with some health issues-it made me want to go get a hug from him but he happens to be thousands of miles away on a business trip, and the sound of my mother's voice made my concern want to raise even higher, the Mr. and I are happen to currently be in a season of life where we have a lot of very big decisions to make-and I don't remember the last time we were able to just set it all aside for 24 hours and do nothing-and my heart was in desperate need of it tonight. Above all of that, if I were to be completely honest...I seem to be walking in a bit of daze of grief these days. This time of year, for one reason or another, makes me miss my aunt so much I can hardly breathe. Grief is a funny thing like that I assume. Hitting you in some seasons of life harder than others...with sometimes a reason...and sometimes no specific reason at all. Either way though, the struggle and the pain is just as real.

So while the Mr. worked in the driveway putting on the spare tire, I sat on the couch thinking of all of these things, sobbing. One thing came to mind out of the clear blue...
Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I...Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I...Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I...

"Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. For You have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe." -Psalm 61:3

Higher than my fears
Higher than my questions
Higher than my doubts
Higher than my finances
Higher than my grief
Higher than my insecurities
Higher than my mistakes.

From the depths of the darkness and the heights of the mountains of joy, He is the Rock. The unchanging, everlasting Rock.

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