Merry Christmas

It's late here, or early-however you may see it.

And as I washed my foil tin pie containers for cinnamon rolls my mind was swirling with so many thoughts, and you were one of them.

Yes-you.

The community, the friendship, the love and fellowship I have met through this little blog of mine.

And while my dough is rising for our Christmas morning cinnamon rolls, I had to stop and say a little something to you all. I'm picturing you like I often do, sitting across the kitchen table from me with a cup of coffee. Tonight we're at my parents house, the Mr. is already snoozing away in their guest room, and surely in a few hours I will join him. But first, rolls must rise...and words must be shared. And if you're anything like me-a few tears as well.

My heart is full tonight thinking about the Baby in the manger. Friends-has there ever been a night such as this? All of the anticipation is weighing on me heavily. It's not just the Baby in the manger that my thoughts seem consumed by tonight-even though the miracle and wonder of that alone could keep me awake all night. Do you know what really has me awestruck?

God came.

Ya'll, we weren't just sick. We were dead. Dead without Him. Apart from Him I am nothing but shackled to this world and sin. And no matter how hard I try, no matter how many New Year's resolutions I set or how much resolve I muster up
I can never break free from the chains.


So I imagine God discussing eternity with His Son, the wonders of heaven and the reality of hell. I imagine Him saying something like...You know the only way they will ever get from the darkness of that world to the light of this world is if You go there.

Leave there. And come here.

To exchange the perfect holiness with the Father to the utter despair and darkness of this world. To put on flesh and dwell among us-dirty and beat up sinners who have had the life knocked out of them by someone or something and are making a mess of life. To rub elbows with them, wash their feet, love on them-the worst of them. After He came He lived the perfect sinless life we couldn't live and died the cruel harsh death we should've died. And all of that puts a lump in my throat bigger than the moon. But tonight I'm consumed with 1 single thought---

He came.

No matter where we are in life or what season or trial we may be going through-that 1 fact changes everything. Everything.

Merry Christmas friends. May you be lost in wonder as I and caught up in the goodness that is Him & Him alone.




Linking up with: Caroline, Emily

When it rains it pours

I'm torn. All I really want to do is make this post fun and happy and Christmasy. I've got diy projects & recipes to share for crying out loud!
But my heart isn't in it tonight. The promise to myself and you all to remain real-no matter what-is pulling my heart in a different direction.

My heart is heavy. I shared a bit why in my last post here.
The holiday's after losing a loved one is just plain tough. No matter how many twinkly lights I hang around our home or how many Christmas memories & traditions I try to make for my own family, there's no escaping it. It's hard, and comes with many, many tears. And sometimes you just need to stop trying to make the best of it and let the tears flow freely by glow of a Christmas tree.

My sister is battling a lot of deep personal problems right now, and besides praying for her, there's not a lot I can do about it. I miss her something fierce. I keep telling myself...it will get better, I will get her back, He will restore, He will heal.
But some nights I still find myself weeping thinking...why wasn't it today Lord? I need my sister.

My dad is a member of Baptist Disaster Relief. For anyone who may not know what that is, they are a team who gets called up after a natural disaster to help clean up, rebuild, feed people, pray with people. Minister. They usually get the call and have to be ready to go in a matter of hours. It's a calling that I know my dad feels very strongly about and I'm so grateful for his heart. Last week he got called up to get to a place where a winter storm had absolutely ravaged a community, and he had to leave so quickly I didn't get a chance to hug his neck and tell him goodbye. It's a small, seemingly insignificant issue. However it has tugged at my heart ever since. This morning as he worked to pull large oak trees from people's homes, he had an accident, and he was thrown from the ATV vehicle he was working on.
My heart sank.
He should be ok, and although very sore, is recovering tonight.
But tonight I find myself weeping thinking...I can't lose anybody else Lord, please.

Ultimately these are all the things I'm feeling. My heart is feeling heavy and broken. But these things I know...

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. -Lamentations 3:21-26
And that is all that's keeping me going.
And it is enough.

The struggle

Disclaimer: This post brought to you by many tears (ugly cry face).
Let's talk "pet sins".
If you're like me at all, as soon as you read that phrase a particular struggle with sin popped in your mind instantly. You know that area, that sometimes you justify by saying to yourself "it's not that bad", and then sometimes you get real with yourself and just want it gone but feel powerless to do anything about. That's where I've been the past couple weeks. I've been chased down by some past sins, in the form of worries and anxieties. You know the kind you know you've been delivered from and then on a bad day you're sitting there wrestling with those thoughts again and thinking-woah where did that come from?

Well, that's where I've been the past few weeks.

Hope has felt rare and distant, though I know in my soul it wasn't. Peace felt hard to find, though I believe He never left me.

There are quite a few things I could blame for this rough spot I've found myself in, but I'm less interested in focusing on that than on how to get out of it. However, I know-and desire-for God to do what He's purposed to do in this trial. I've walked with Him too long to think for a second that He has allowed this trial for nothing. And the favor He has showed on me-oh the grace. Just a few nights ago I was weeping saying between sobs-I just really need a break. Which was true-I've been over-worked (self-imposed as it was), over-stressed, and over-done for a while now. With no possible time for a break for weeks, I just sobbed myself to sleep that night and prayed for a way, or at least some extra peace. 24 hours later, enters a major snow storm where not only am I given a break-I am stuck at home and forced a break. Because out of nowhere and no way for a "pause", He goes and makes a way.
I'm making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:19)

It's given me some extra time to think, to pray in the dark with only the glow of the Christmas tree. Here's what He's speaking over me, I pray it meets you in your need as well...

Satan loves for fear and anxiety to enter our lives for many reasons. He knows it is a guarantee way to take our eyes off of living for God and on to surviving for ourselves. When I'm struggling in this area my mind is primarily on ME. What's difficult, how I'm going to get through this or that "hard thing", or even worse-how I am going to get out of that hard thing!
Here enters a worse fear than the rest: I'm risking completely missing my calling, my purpose, and what God has planned for me to do.

So I'm handling this season of life with much prayer, and caution-that I wouldn't lose all God has for me to do.

Oh-and Happy December friends, and as always, thanks for letting me be real with you.

Random Thoughts...

Re-washing already clean laundry because I have left them in the washer too long is one of my biggest pet peeves. Happened twice this week. Really?!

Lately if I feel like a good cry I just pull up Ron Pope's "You're the Reason I Come Home" on YouTube and think of the Mr and boo-hoo. Beautiful.

I've been afraid to speak this out loud-I know a lot of passionate people about this one (including my sister). But the Mr and I had the time of our lives putting up the Christmas tree a couple of Saturday's ago. It was like we were kids sneaking cookies out of the cookie jar or something-wrong...but not so bad...you know? In no means does this mean I am skipping over Thanksgiving! Since we don't really celebrate Halloween in our home, we focus on Thanksgiving the entire Fall season (because it's very important to us). I just have a pretty Christmas tree to add to my "Thankful List".
Still be my friend??

Speaking of Thanksgiving, this is my first Thanksgiving at my parents house to get to contribute something to the meal and I'm thrilled! I'm not at all providing the whole she-bang. Just a side or dessert and maybe an appetizer for before the meal. I've been trying out different recipes on the Mr. for the past few weeks to try to find just the perfect ones.
Any ideas?? I'd love your input! Think random side that you can't live without/unique dessert/favorite appetizer?

Almost finished with our 2012 Family Book.
Almost 2 years to complete that project is normal, right??

Back to the Christmas topic-I am attempting to make a lot of our decorations this year, so I'm starting early so that they are ready to go in Decemember. Things I'm attempting: stockings out of heirloom family blankets (no pressure there right?), our family Advent calendar that we can use for many years to come, a unique twist on garland, and an ornament chandelier out of some beautiful ornaments I found in the back of an antique store in the middle of Spring. Watch out for some diy posts coming up on some of these projects!
Especially if they actually work!!

Tasty Tuesday-Best Chicken Ever {Crockpot Edition!}

Ok friends-I almost didn't share this recipe, because it doesn't really feel like a recipe? I thought about doing the normal "Tasty Tuesday" thing on here with the pics and full write up. But it felt too similar to snapping pics and writing up a recipe for "The Best Glass of Ice Water You've Ever Had". Not so much, you know?

But then my first bite into this dish the other night and I thought dang it why didn't I get pics of this? I've got to share this one!! So sadly there are no pictures for this one, nor a "recipe" as one would know a recipe to look like. But I do think this is the best, moistest, most tender, and easiest (ok enough adjectives there) chicken I've ever had.

Roughly chop up a yellow onion and place this in the bottom of your crockpot. (No science here to the size you want to chop your onion pieces. I had Mr do this for me while I got ready in a hurry that morning, so that gives you an idea of how mine looked. Just whatever you know.)

Next take a whole fryer chicken, mine was roughly a little over 5lbs. Place it on top of your onions in the crockpot and season however you want. If you want to make this into some mexican dishes, throw on some taco seasoning. Italian dishes-garlic powder and italian seasoning. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with mine, so I kept it pretty basic with salt, pepper, and a tad of all-purpose seasoning salt (which I later realized was over a year old. Clearly it's time to clean out the spice cabinet.)

Pop the lid on and set the crockpot on high for 6-7 hours or until the chicken is completely done and falling apart.

That's it. So even though I still feel a little silly for sharing a recipe that feels as easy as sharing how to make ice water, I hope you try it and love it. We enjoyed it that night paired with some veggies on the side, and today I made delicious homemade chicken noodle soup out of the leftovers. A crockpot recipe + leftovers that can be turned into a million different dishes=the best.



Linking up with: Emily and Mandy.

The Marriage Mission Field (Part 2)

{part 1 here}

There is no fear in love.- 1 John 4:18
Before I had opened my eyes, my mind(worries) had already taken off. The weight of the anxiety of marriage combined with the normal stress of wedding planning was weighing on me to say the very least. It all just seemed too much and this particular day I remember feeling like the move from the bed to the floor was akin to walking to China. Impossible.

With eyes still closed, tears started escaping and the cry of my heart was more a desperate plea than a simple prayer. God...I HAVE TO KNOW. Can I really do this? Can I really be a wife? Can I leave my family? Can I let down every single wall, let go of every single reservation I've ever had of marriage and devote myself completely? All of my doubt fears came from me-not the Mr. My love for him was sincere and huge, in fact if I didn't have that love for him I probably wouldn't have made it this far in our relationship. I couldn't bear to think of a life without him. But I also couldn't bear to think of giving him a half-hearted life with a half-there wife. It was all or nothing. That's what he deserved.

As I cried out in desperation this verse slowly and quietly began to circle my mind...There is no fear in love...There is no fear in love...There is no fear in love...There is no fear in love...There is no fear in love...There is no fear in love...There is no fear in love.

And that was the day I knew. Not the day my fears went away, I still struggled with the fears of what if I wouldn't be enough/do marriage "well enough", but deep down that verse kept resounding in my head and that was enough to remind me...keep going...keep trying...this is right.

Marriage isn't about me anyways. I believe it to be the greatest demonstration of God's love towards us on this earth. We are called to die to self and become one with our spouse, which is not always easy, but in complete honesty-its the been biggest blast.

I'm not sure what most brides think during that moment on their wedding day right before they walk down the aisle. You know what I mean? The moment where all of the pre-ceremony/getting ready hullabaloo dies down, in front of you is your family in their prospective seats, your smiling bridal party, and that darned cute groom of yours. All that's left is you. A part of me thinks that most brides think of something more profound than I did. But I distinctly remember a prayer I simply whispered. It was something of repentance of my lack of trust in Him the past few months, combined with a plea to help me do this right. Not the walking down the aisle thing (although I'm sure my bridesmaids had some kind of bet as to at which point this klutz was going to wipe out) but the becoming the wife I knew I had been called to be.

And even though it's a day by day (sometimes hour by hour) process, He has been faithful to do just that.

Scripture Sunday